The Messenger

I have always been a vessel for truth. I have not always known this; in fact I thought I was the opposite in a sense of trying to sugar coat things to make them sound and look like something better or less abrasive. But the truth is, I deliver messages in a very straight forward way. Sometimes without a filter and other times with love and careful consideration. I love delivering messages. It makes me happy.

Do what makes you happy seems easy enough and it is. It's when doing what makes you happy becomes a constant stream of messages that it becomes a bit of a challenge. The challenge for me is that I see things and feel things that I have difficultly experiencing and want to share even though it's not wanting to be heard.

I'll give you an example. Riding the bus home tonight three people in their early 20s were sitting next to each other, not friends at all. I looked over at them; one girl in between the two guys and instantly I saw them as brothers and sisters. She was the youngest and they always protected her. I just smiled. THAT I can handle.

Another incident haning out with a friend I began to see visions of him in uniform, recognizing his soul as a soul I have encountered before in other lifetimes, sometimes romantically, most times as great friends, but regardless of the previous relationships there is a serious energetic connection, if not attachment. It's that heart pull, that expansion of wanting to just hug them and hold them and say 'Oh my gosh, we found each other again!' that has me troubled. Thankfully he has a belief in past lives so at least I could nod and smile when he was telling me some stuff, but it was really difficult for me to feel all the emotions inside, knowing they were mine to experience. It has been difficult for me to just 'be' in those moments and take them deeper into love instead of blurting them out and running from them.

I'm watching what makes me stronger in my life and it's never the wild abandon of expressing everything that comes to mind, it's the 'sitting in the middle of it all' and harnessing the power of chaos and grounding it within me, the deep breathing that helps me to take the next step and the next after that.
It's recognizing the power of that chaos and transmuting it into my own power to create and manifest life as I see and desire it.

It's not about breathing through things anymore, it's about breathing it all in and through alchemy making it a part of my process and then turning it out as gold when the time is right. This alone takes strength and a belief in one's own power over their path.

Having realized all of this, perhaps it might be a bit easier to sit in those moments as I now understand that owning all that love from previous lives and owning all that gratitude for the reconnection is a part of living into my own power, my own truth and my own purpose. It's another confirmation that, yes indeed there is something greater going on.