Friday, October 29, 2010

The Art of Creation

"Everything you see has been created twice...once in the mind as a thought and then once in the physical." I believe I heard this on a Steven Covey audio file I listened to not long ago.

It's been a fascinating few weeks. A lot of shifting in my energy and a lot of shifting outside of me. I see the world as I am, therefore I see it change as I change! Among the odd things that have happened this week, I have run into two people I went to highschool with in Vancouver and one person I went to University with wandering through a mall. Now, get this! I've actually sat down and created a plan for myself! HA! I know! Miss wanderer has wandered down a path that resembles some sort of direction.

I'm looking at it this way. I'm putting the train on the tracks. Wherever the tracks lead, I don't particularly care so long as I can stop at the stops I want, which are my goals. Yes I said goals...

Most of my current goals are very specific, as are the plans to achieve them, others are ideas I have to research and sort out in order to create a specific plan. I'm actually using a calendar/agenda and creating weekly tasks and monthly goals of what I want to accomplish. And what I am finding is that I have way more time than I am aware of, tasks take far less time than I anticipate and it's open to change as I change!

I know that I've heard this before, but until now I really hadn't felt a desire or need to implement it and now that I have begun to do it, I'm excited. I'm realistic about what I want deep down and that's where I'm going to start. The foundational stuff- or what I consider the foundational stuff and add to it from there! YAY!

Kinda like all areas of life. Build the foundation, make it solid and build up and onwards from there! At least if the entire house falls down, the foundation will till remain provided it's solid.

Kind of a quiet and practical post, I know, but sometimes we just need quiet and practical kinds of things :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Creation of Monsters

"I always advocate never creating monsters when there are none, Kelly. Primarily, of course, because there are none." ~Note from the Universe delivered to my email.

It begins usually with a question or a random thought. And then it builds momentum as our imagination begin to add different colours, sounds, textures and of course emotions and actions to that question or thought. From there it becomes a project or at the very least, something you all of the sudden are constantly aware of...and becomes the monster.

If you're a woman, I believe it is safe to say that we all know what this monster is and where it comes from. For me, my most brilliant monsters usually come about as a result of money or men. The money monster has been easily sent back to the ethers on more occassions than not and I have an easier time stopping his creation. The men monster, in the past, was a serious sabatour. Well apparently still is, yet I'm aware of it's creation now where as before it was just life. Create the monster, unleash the monster and validate that monster until it's happy enough to walk away for a little while. It's like the damn troll under the bridge, hiding there nice and quiet until you want to get somewhere and BAM, there it is hassling you, terrifying you back to where you came from, trying to keep you from getting where you want to go.

So I like this quote. Why make monsters when there aren't any there to begin with... Why create the drama when the landscape is drama free? I know a part of this is a woman thing...our need to always have something going on and to be a part of something. For real though. I could definitely use some practice creating brilliant beings (whether they take form as loving and caring monsters or not) that are here to support me in moving beyond the creation of monsters right to where I want to go.

Why fabricate something that doesn't exist? I mean, that's the beginning of the creation that really something you want to create? Is that something I want to create? Didn't think so... It not only serves me, but also the world to stop creating monsters. If I'm ever creating one, please remind me that I said that! :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Gardners and Investigators

Both gardners and investigators do digging. They do different types of digging. Sometimes gardners dig up things for investigators, but that's not where I'm going. I am neither a gardner or an investigator and yet I find myself digging. Digging for information that I'm not even sure exists; digging for clues to bring clarity and some sense of hope to hang on to before finally letting things go.

One thing I can say is that there is a distinct difference between investigators, which is who I feel I'm being right now, and gardeners. The first digs for evidence, clues, puzzle pieces that bring clarity and a fuller picture to certain situations. Sometimes they literally do physical digging, most times it's a mental map they are navigating, using intellect and logic combined with intuition and even imagination to bring about possible solutions. The later digs where there is nothing to find and plants a seed, waters and nurtures it and watches it grow into something beautiful. It is totally earth based and performed based on the fundamentals of nature. Perhaps the seed will germinate and flourish, and perhaps it won't and so then we plant another seed maybe right away, maybe next season.

Perhaps with all my investigative work and all the possible scenarios I am conjuring up, it would serve me to step back and look at my 'digging' as digging into nothing and use that nothing to plant a new seed, a new intention, a new desire to love and nurture that will grow into something beautiful in its own time.

FML (F#%k My Life) In all the best ways possible of course....

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Craving New Creativity

I absolutely love writing. It flows so naturally through me whether it's online or in my journal or into the chapters of unwritten books. I know that it could use some polishing, some refinement and at times some direction, and at the same time I'm happy to keep doing it as is, for the time being.

Having said that, I acknowledge that there are skills out there and gifts out there that I do not have. Recently it's been the gift of capturing images through photography. I have made friends with some great photographers. The way they are able to capture images, events, scenes and beauty astounds me. The way they can capture and play with the light, with depth, with everything they are given makes me smile. I'm so very happy that they are sharing their gifts in whatever way that may be. It's been leaving me a bit envious though. For me, being a visual person, I want to be able to express myself through this medium in the way that they do and yet I know that my gift is to express myself and what I am seeing through words, which may or may not be something they want to do. Perhaps I can learn some skills...

It's just fasinating to me, to be present to how we all perceive and express what we take in, whether it be through art, writing, photography, music, dance, acting, etc. These creative gifts are so brilliant and amazing and for what seems like the first time ever, I'm seeing myself as 'creative'. I'm a creator; I create using words! Wow. Does that put me in the category of 'creative types'? I dunno, I don't care...all that matters is that I create :) And it doesn't matter what, just that I do it and share it. Ha, wild.

What do you create?

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Sacred GPS

So... phone calls from the Universe that perhaps we're not answering, and call waiting beeps we're not acknowledging...well, maybe we don't have the new i-tuition 4 jut yet, but regardless of what the generation we do have an internal GPS and the fascinating thing about this GPS is that even when we choose to ignore it, it stops and recalculates our journey to get us back on track...whatever that track may be.

What I'd like to do with this renewed thirst for travel is travel the world to as many sacred sites as is possible and meet with spiritual leaders and native or aboriginal elders of various countries and, well after that I'm not entirely sure what the plan is. Getting that far is plan enough at the moment.

As I was checking out a book on Sacred Sites, I looked into Oceana to see if I had, perhaps, run across some while I was in Australia and New Zealand. Let me paint a brief but descript picture for you here. When I went to Australia the word Sacred, to me, meant Jesus Christ, all his superstars and the Bible. It was an idea tied deeply into religion and very superficial at the time. Boy have I shifted; thanks to, what I believe anyway, Australia and New Zealand.

Anyhow, back to the GPS. Having this renewed thirst and beginning to do some more research, I've found that in actuality my internal GPS has been guiding me to these places since I began to travel. My first inclination to explore sacred sites was in Cancun, Mexico. Instead of visiting Tulum though, I sunbathed. At the time I figured Mexico wasn't that far away, I could come back if I REALLY wanted to do it. After that the next big one would have to be Australia; Uluru and Kata Tjuta (aka Ayer's Rock and the Olgas).

When I booked that tour I had NO idea what it was going to be about. All I knew, in every cell of my being, was that I could not leave Australia without seeing that rock. I entertained all sorts of ideas about making it back some other time when I had more money and I just couldn't. I had to get there so I did. I knew at the time and I most definitely know now that tour opened up a channel within me, shifted me into a more open consciousness and set me on a new journey. You should see my journal entries from that trip! I may as well have quoted the guide word for word. Diagrams and everything! I didn't want to forget a single thing about that tour. To connect back to the Sacred journey as well, the word Sacred on this trip was used to describe specific areas within Uluru and Kata Tjuta where the public was not allowed to go, or they were gender specific where 'Women's Things' or 'Men's Things' were done. So my understanding was that within an entire site there are sacred spaces, which is true, and also an understatement.

And then of course the Great Barrier Reef is magestic and although it is not labelled as Sacred, damn, it is to me. But what caught my attention and made me laugh out loud in the bookstore was one of the Sacred Sites that appeared in New Zealand. Mt. Cook or Aoraki as the Maori call it. Little did I know that this beautiful mountain with a glacier was Sacred when we decided to park our van at its base and camp out for a night! And this site was totally my call, my stubborn intuition saying, "Let's just go down that dirt road and see where it takes us!" A beautiful clear night under the stars and enthralled waking up in the middle of the night to a glowing glacier through the front window. Even thinking about it puts me into a stuppor of awe and humbleness.

I didn't do much further research on the Oceana Sacred Sites after this because I was overcome with giddy joy and laughter at how brilliantly the Universe has been guiding me and taking me to places with such depth that brought me sheer joy and authenticity of being! (In case that wasn't obvious in the picture) And what I thought might have been delerium and being overtired, in hindsight, was me feeling energy, feeling shifting and not understanding its source, not understanding it's power and purpose and not understanding how to ground and harness it! lol.

In reality, everything we touch, see, smell, feel is Sacred. Everywhere you step or sit or lay is Sacred becase you are Sacred as a human being. Our magnificence is as brilliant as each of these geographical/geological locations. We are awed by the beauty that nature provides in such monumental physical states and while our GPS is guiding us to physical/geographic locations all the time it's also leading us to human locations; to our family, to our friends, to our neighbours and our entire race. It's leading us to each and every one of them as a mirror to see each others brilliance and beauty and magnificance just as we do in nature. And no, it's not an app that you can download to your Sacred's a part of your basic structure...start using it :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Like a 5 Year Old Waiting For A Hotdog...

At some point in our childhood, we’ve had a moment that indicated to us the world was not what we thought it was. Sometimes it’s severely damaging in that moment, other times it simply evolves into deep conditioning throughout our lives until we remember it, unpack it and understand exactly just what happened and how it’s been affecting us.

Today, during a talk with a friend, she asked me a critical and to the point question. “What does freedom look like to you?” and based on my answer her reply was, “So sounds like to me you don’t like people telling you what you can and cannot do.” Which of course was true. Then immediately my higher self stepped in and said, “Well that’s not entirely true because when I come from a place of service, I have no problems taking direction and receiving instructions.” Having said that, it entirely depends on the delivery of the direction and instruction. Anyhow, what we discovered is that my resistance to what I am going to call ‘guidance’ stems from one Good Friday when I was, say five years old.

Good Friday is a day of no meat if you are Catholic, and I believe other religions follow that as well. I wanted a hotdog (which is a debatable meat to begin with) and my Grandma said no. I asked why. She basically said, “it’s Good Friday and you’re a sinner if you have meat.” To which I replied, “So what…” And that of course pushed her buttons and caused a bit of a rucus, which brings me to scar number two of “children should be seen and not heard” (but that’s another post). I think in the end I settled for carrots and potatoes, which I’m sure at the time sucked. The point being, from that experience I learned that I can’t have what I want, or what I want is bound to be stopped by some goofy day, rule, law, guideline, person in charge who doesn’t agree with me…. And so from that I’ve been living like a 5 year old wanting and waiting for a hotdog and for reasons I could not see until now, I’ve either gotten it or not.

Granted there have been times when I’ve wanted things and I have got them, most of those times I’ve gone and done it myself, without anyone knowing or without asking first because that way I will be ensured I’ll at least get what I want for a little while :) It’s totally true though! If I can get it the way I want it, and NOW, I’ll do whatever I can to do it. On rare occasions I’ve been stopped, grounded (in the energetic sense) and guided lovingly towards those things I’ve wanted, often times it’s been my own understanding and doing. When I’m really set on something and I’m certain it’s what I want, I’ll ensure it’s done properly because if it’s not, I run the risk of losing it entirely. Sometimes it frustrates me to have to go through process after process to get to where I want to be and yet I WILL do it, if I want that something bad enough. It’s an inherent part of my life path apparently as a 34/7 (Dan Millman- The Life You Were Born To Live- 4 Process and Stability) I’m like a sneaky good dog…I can be obedient when the end result can be me without a treat, but if the cookie box is open and no one is looking…I might just be all over it and I typically am.

So perhaps some of you can relate to this, or perhaps I’m the only goofball with this little blip. Either way I can at least now recognize when my desires require a little extra effort and at least now I understand why I have issues with people telling me what to do. If only I could have seen my Grandma was trying to ‘guide’ me to be a good little Catholic girl when I was 5, I might have better understood…then again, maybe not. ;)

Monday, October 18, 2010

Taking the Call

In our world today we have so many ways of keeping in contact with each other and so few to keep in contact with ourselves. We have call display to see who is calling us and we can screen whether or not we want to take the call. Our emails say who they are from with a subject and we can either click further or hit delete. What about when the Universe is calling us and asking us to show up somewhere? Do we screen those calls? Do we answer or do we hit delete and just hang up?

I can't count how many times I have simply hung up or refused to answer a call from the Universe. You and I both know when the call is for us because it doesn't typically call us looking for someone else. A couple of weeks ago I was reminded of this concept as my Gifts were being called out of me. Before I knew it I was on a plane to LA to volunteer for an event. Everything I needed fell into place instantly and that was when I knew the call was definitely for me.

It was a bit of a full circle moment for me. It was the same course I had taken two years ago where I had a brilliant download of the work that can and will be done with children. It was overwhelming and the ideas I had come up with have been recurring thoughts as of late. It was a reminder of the gift of Teaching that has been bestowed within me. It was also a reminder of the present moment awareness I am capable of having when there is nothing for me to think about other than showing up and being me.

I allowed my experience to be what it was. The part of me that wants to understand and just 'do' it already was itching to get out and yet the stillness within, my Being, was simply telling me to relax and go with the flow.

In the last week I have been opened up, detoxed energetically, put back together and then danced through to some more clarity. Life is life, it is an experience to be enjoyed! If I don't do what I have envisioned for children, that's OK! If it is truly meant for me to do, it will be there when the time is right and when I am in the right space to allow it to unfold. If someone else does it, then certainly there is something else for me to take on. Life and the world is dynamic, abundant and supportive. I figure so long as I am being me, an example of radiance, light and conciousness, then I am being of service to the planet and I am always being prepared for whatever is to show up next. Yes I can always do more, I can always be more and I can always help more people. There is giving of myself and giving up myself. I chose the first...when I do things that make me feel good I can give of myself in vast amounts and in varied ways. I look forward to letting go of my mission and vision knowing that I am always living my mission and my vision will unfold when I am a part of the Present Moment, when I am connected to that oneness and stillness within and when I am fully sharing my gifts in every moment without hesitation.

There's been this call trying to get through. The call waiting has been beeping and although I have been hearing it, I haven't listened to it; I haven't answered it and I've let it ring. I answered it the other day, it left a message. It said, "Do what makes you feel good. Go do the thing that you really want to do. Make that your motivation to get off the couch and get a job, make that your motivation to take responsibility for your finances, make that your motivation to show up every day." And so I have. That desire to travel the world that I set aside three years ago, that ache to see and experience the world's diversity and immerse myself in new and different environments was on the other line. It's been dancing and singing and celebrating my realization of myself and it's ready for me to arrive.

Yay :)

Friday, October 15, 2010


Is it really running away when what you are running from doesn't really even exist except in your mind?

There's these two voices having quite the argument lately. One is arguing for this supposed purpose I have in my life of empowering children to see their truth. I do believe this is what I am here to do, however the original how and what it looked like varies greatly from the dynamic how and what it looks like now; it's always changing. The second of these two voices is the one telling me that regardless of what I am doing, so long as I am an example of my own truth and live that, I'm empowering children to do the same. This voice then plants these ideas of travelling the world and being free-spirited again while taking in children in different cultures. So because I'm all about cooperation, lets see whether we can work something out? Or perhaps that is what's keeping me stuck here to begin with....this desire to amalgamate the two ideas. Why can't I choose both? Well I can; perhaps they manifest exclusive of each other though, I still get both, just in a different way.

So the question is, Am I running away if I choose to live a more free spirited lifestyle all the while knowing that regardless of where I am I am fulfilling that mission and purpose, and even if I'm not it will come back and find me sooner or later? What the heck do I really want?! Like for real...what is my hearts deepest desire, other than to be love? I'm revisiting this question of 'What's left when you've discovered that everything other than love is totally an illusion? Something else to feed the ego?' The reality is that although I am spiritual I am also HUMAN, which means there has to be some sort of practical application for of all this love and knowledge of love and desire to share love.

So because of my awareness and desire to be and share love, is that my purpose? Does it really have to be more defined than that? Do I really have to have a target group of people I want to share all this love with; like kids? Does it really have to be in certain settings?

Perhaps it would serve me to see this period of chaos and transformation for what it is....chaos and transformation. And allow it to unfold and untangle and reform and organize itself for me. Is there a declaration for eternal and infinite patience because I'm going to create one right now.

"I am eternally and infinitely patient with all processes and people in my life."

Clarity Universe, please....some clarity. I'm asking for the clarity within and without to provide me with a clear decision that I will want to commit to because then I will be running towards something as opposed to away. I will meditate and listen for your answers...patiently; I promise :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Do it Anway

A poem written by Kent Keith, made famous by Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

My reason for posting this is in part from Discovering My Sacred Gifts. A few weekends ago I partook in this event and uncovered what I innately knew to be various aspects of who I am. When I am in a space of total ease and empowerment these gifts fly through me before I can even recognize they are working. One in particular, the gift of Service, has been a source of frustration in the past because people with this gift, like me, are always showing up, ready to do the work and are often relied upon by those in charge because of our desire and gift of being in service. We're damn good at what we do because we do whatever it takes to get the job done.
I've held some resentment towards others who have been on tasks with me for not showing up or doing their share and feeling taken advantage of at times. Now I understand that those people do not have that gift, they have different gifts and it doesn't matter the process, it is my gift to share and I must do it anyway so long as it is with joy. So now, when I'm doing a group task and I feel like I'm givin' it my all and others are lolly gagging, it's because my gift is being called out and either theirs isn't or they simply don't have it. So instead of getting frustrated and asking them to move faster or just let me do it, I smile and keep doing my tasks knowing that sooner or later the rest will get done exactly as it is supposed to. In the end the only thing that really matters is that we all show up when we hear the call and share our gifts anyways.... :)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bungee...A Part of the Journey

As I stand on the edge of that platform and look out at Black Tusk I ask myself one question, "What's it going to be today?" And that question can be very loaded, but it boils down to a few very simple things. Am I greater than my nerves and my fear? Am I committed to staying present to as much as humanly possible during the process? If this were my last moment of
glory what type of experience would I like to create?

So when I look at Black Tusk or the canyon on the north side of the bridge I breathe in the air, the earth, the water and the love and I let my spirit do the rest.

My first jump created an experience of oneness with the Universe, with Mother Nature, with my Source and my creator. I was one with everything on that forward dive off of that bridge. Jump number two was an experience of 100% oneness and awareness of my own body. It was backwards and the sensation of falling, the thoughts and awareness of the bridge getting smaller and the water nearing as trees wizzed past my peripheral vision. My latest jump was a back flip/dive and although it created the most anxiety and trepidation within me, I was most liberated and relaxed. Might have been because it was my third time, might have been because I knew there was no way to control how I looked or how anything was going to unfold and I was 100% willing to jump into that unknowing and let go of all expectations and just be. And I did.

In addition to that, the context of all three of my jumps were markably different. Jump 1 I had 20 other people cheering me on and I turned and jumped no hesitation, no thinking, just did it. Jump 2 I only had my Dad and a few others, was counted down and even with all my mind's hesitation when "One!" was yelled I was already jumping! Jump 3...three girls, two of whom I would consider sisters, no countdown and a deep inner knowing that my life was about to shift in ways I could not see coming and in ways I may not understand. I jumped all by myself and I threw myself off the bridge like a beautiful Goddess and let myself be moved and shifted.

For many and I believe for most, Bungee jumping is all about the rush of adrenaline. For me, on my journey it has been about liberation, freedom and oneness with all and myself. Perhaps one day the depth of Bungee will turn into a deep adrenaline enjoyment for me, yet having said that, my life in general gets me pumped up...back to oneness, back to my Essence, back to me, it's all been a beautiful and transformational part of my journey.

My learn: Sometimes leaps of faith in all directions with and without a knowing of the possible end result are neccessary in my life.
How I'll apply it: When I feel the knots in my stomach, I'll trust it, take the leap and know I'm on the right path, the path to creating a greater me.