Thursday, September 20, 2012

So Much Sunshine...

Have you ever come across something you have had tucked away for a while that makes you stop and smile and takes you back to wherever it originally came from?

I had this happen to me yesterday while I was searching for a misplaced CD. I came across this :)

And of course it made me smile! I got to thinking about when I actually made this. This particular quote was the only quote out of 12 that really caught my attention. It was bright, it was fun, it was sunny! And in the middle of my 'mod podge' phase (Thank you Brave Girls Club Soul Restoration) which was actually one of the most therapeutic and creative things I have ever done, I created this! I hung it proudly in my home at the time thinking that it was something bright to spruce up the place. Looking back now I was trying to create sunshine where it wasn't always shining.

Today I was talking with a friend and I said to him, "I looked at this piece that I made and wished that someone had bought it and given it to me instead of me making it for myself!" And I still really do wish that someone (perhaps the person I was with at the time) was thoughtful enough to see this and say, "This screams Kelly!" and buy it for me. But how does one buy something that doesn't exist until after it's

It's interesting for me to think that I wanted someone else to tell me this; that I wanted someone else to see that this was me (because I certainly think it is!) and tell me that, and low and behold a year later I hear this more often than not... :) I am not trying to be boastful here, but what I am getting at is that we receive what we give and what we put out there.

We attract who we are. I was putting this out there last year and a year later it's come to fruition BUT first I had to see it inside of me, I had to acknowledge an aspect of what makes me great and then I had to allow others to see it too. This summer I took a stroll through the fire and that heat made me realize two things.
1. I was afraid to be fully seen as me and
2. I wasn't willing to see myself fully or I had no idea how
So I decided that it was OK to move towards being fully seen and seeing myself fully and it has been the biggest blessing I ever could have asked for.

So, yes, I still want someone (well let me be clear - someone I am in a relationship with) to be so thoughtful that if they saw this they would buy it and give it to me as a gift, but I now understand that in order for others to be able to give me that gift, sometimes they can't see it until I do and then again sometimes it's the reverse and I can't see it until they do :) Either way I am grateful I found this little piece of love that has brought me so many thoughts today.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Choas and Discomfort

You would think I would know by now that this feeling is an indication of things to change, of something in my life falling away to make room for clarity and something of even greater brilliance and beauty...but yet I still have not learned. Or perhaps I am still subconsciously resisting this knowing. I feel the feeling, start trying to grasp onto whatever I can in hopes that what I think I want and need stays nice and close to home for fear of what the unknown might bring.

Well the fog is lifting, the chaos is finding its order and the discomfort has shifted from unbearable, anxious knots in my stomach to the dull ache of acceptance. The sobering reality of having an opportunity to make a more definitive choice about the path I would like to take my life down. I have not fully let go of the tornado that is lessening and disappearing on the horizon because there is something in that tornado that belongs to me. Perhaps it will get dropped somewhere else on my path, or perhaps it was never really mine to begin with...

With more clarity comes more if the veil has been lifted and everything that was there initially, but not seen is now all of the sudden laid out on display for reflection and contemplation maybe, but more than likely for a serious opportunity to either clean house and take out the trash, or simply to tidy up and put things back, maybe not where they were or where they belong, but where they fit for the moment. I see the things I want and have and am not grateful for, I see the empty spaces that feel like voids at times, but are not ready to be accompanied by anything, and then there's the pile of things that just don't fit, and the pile of things that just don't fit right now and aren't necessarily going to get tossed...

Looking forward to clearing out the metaphorical cupboards of my soul and really figuring out what I'm willing keep and what I'm ready to pass on.