Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Thank you for the Anxiety Attacks! :)

I know that's a random title for a post, but it probably caught your attention!

And YES I am grateful for having had anxiety issues at one point in my life! I mean I wasn't crazy or anything, I just had a boyfriend...probably enough said...who happened to push every button all at the same time sometimes which resulted in anxiety and stress. Ahhhh....finding yet another reason to be grateful for him being in my life. :)

If it were not for his pushing my buttons combined with my stressed out and anxious reactions (which at that time was often a natural state of being) I would never have sought out ways to find my centre, some inner peace and sense of quiet. I had seen the effects of anxiety on my mother and I had zero desire to have to work as hard as she did to overcome it. It was during that time that I found yoga and an immediate source of peacefulness, groundedness and overall feeling of well being. It was also during this time when I began to open up to new philosophies, new ways of being, new ideas of realms seen and unseen and ultimately to my own sense of spirituality.

I have found my physical yoga practice to come and go in cycles, while the mental aspect of my practice remained quite in tact. Breathe, accept, let go. Sometimes easier said than done, but I had cultivated for myself something practical, something I could use and something that worked. I did yoga religiously for 6 months one year then stopped entirely. Then one winter while I was living in Vancouver I decided to do a month of it non-stop. Let's just say I fell short of my month, but I learned a great deal about myself and found a great sense of humour as well! Check out my posts from December 2010 here :) It starts with 'A Little Yoga Never Hurt' and ends with 'Learning from the Nasty Stuff'. Good times! :)

Yoga always makes me feel amazing...why I talk myself out of it I believe I am beginning to discover. It opens me up, it allows life to flow freely through me, my writing is clear, my intuition is audible...all the amazing things I could do if I just kept those gates OPEN! haha. And now a visual aid to embed that :) Here is to 2013...head stands and crow poses and all!

This is me...happy! Anxiety? What's that....

Peace and much love. x

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Letting Go of Good to Open Up to Great

I know a man who, along with his physical grandoise, ranks in my top five list of people in my life with powerful presence. I have taken many lessons away from brief moments in time spent with him because when he speaks he speaks to a part of me that wants to hear him, when he looks, he looks into a part of me that feels his gaze and his purpose and as I am writing this, I don't believe there is any other teacher in my life quite like him. One of the things I have learned from him is that it's OK to have good, but sometimes we need to get rid of 'Good' so we can open up to 'Great'.

So I asked myself, "What in my life am I holding onto that is good where I know it could be great?" This question lead me to a desire to really 'clean house' both internally and externally. Not an excuse to collect clutter, but by nature of my job, being in and out with frequent travel, I have piles of 'stuff' I fail to sort through. One of these piles happens to be a collection of what we fondly refer to at work as 'Love Notes'. At almost every event we create a wall with an individualized, often very decorative, envelope for everyone working on the team at that event. It's purpose is to be a place where we can share gratitude, words of thanks, jokes, gifts, and in general 'love' for each other. It is voluntary and optional whether you choose to sign or leave it anonymous.

So I decided to 'clean up' this pile. 10 envelopes turned into 20 turned into 30, turned into 40-ish (probably more) envelopes that I had accumulated since my start of volunteering 4 years ago to present and working ongoing.

While I am doing this, I am listening to 'Tribes' by Seth Godin, which was passed onto me by a co-worker. And upon listening to this, everything has to do with Leadership. As I am, let's be honest here, multi-tasking! Or killing 2 birds with one stone, I become acutely aware of the abundance I have before me. Letters and envelopes sprawled out on the floor around me with words of encouragement, thanks, acknowledgement, praise, humour and love. Then it hits me; everything that everyone else sees in me, everything that I am actually providing, doing, being an example of; it's all right there in the words of other people. And I see where I am great, and I am hearing about leadership from my computer and how when you are a good leader, people will naturally follow you because you stand for something. I am a leader...

Carol Brunet once said after losing the lead role to another leading lady for a Broadway production, "It's her time to shine, mind will come." I have felt that way for most of my life...until now. I can feel it brewing in my bones, I can taste it with my being and more than that, I know. Whatever it is that is finding its manifestation through me, whether big or small, is one of the greater things in my life I am meant to pursue. And that is the 'great' I am opening up to. :)