I knew I was in for something special when a last minute plan fell into place effortlessly and I was having deja vu sitting there watching the band play. Those to me are two key elements of confirmation that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be :)
Three pints of inhibition last night led me to a very sobering realization of something going on inside of me. I realized the truth of just how deep one of my wounds is. In that moment I was a bit slow to realize the words that had just left my mouth, but upon recollecting the conversations of the night it was plain as day what I said and why I said it.
I have some healing to do. I made a new aquaintance named Jason. Upon our introduction...this is what I said...very matter of factly "Did you say your name is Jason?" ("yes") "Oh, I'm glad it's not Paul." ?!?! Seriously, tell me what you really think Kelly!
Thankfully he was humourous about it and just as quick as my thoughts escpaed my mouth we were on another topic.
That little occurance was eye opening. Writing the name is a stretch for me. It is admitting that he still exists somewhere within me. It's admitting that he held a place in my heart. And it's admitting that I still have some hurt going on, actually, maybe a bit more than a little. It's understanding what David Deida says about having a man-shaped void when we are no longer in relation to that person.
And to be quite honest, I'm OK about it. I can feel the depth of it yet it's a place that needs space to heal. It's a place that needs me to move forward with other adventures with new people and new love. It feels safe for me to leave it be and that is a good thing.
I know, the people in my life are on purpose for me, just as I am for them. It's a pleasant surprise when events transpire and bring people together in the most unexpected ways...
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment