As I walk up and down West 10th almost daily, my inner teenager (which to me is my free spirit at this point) and the responsible adult continue to have their disagreements and I'm ok with that. They may always disagree and then again, perhaps they'll come to some sort of agreement where they can both be happy. One agreement I have made with both of them is that I am choosing to work right now. I'm taking out resumes and applying for 'jobs' because that's the choice I want to make right now. There is something for me to remember. Perhaps its that I'm better off working for myself, or perhaps its that I am always in service regardless of the context I am a part of. Or maybe, just maybe it's that I am capable of creating a life that involves work and all the fun stuff I've brought into my life.
I'm understanding this entire 'creation' process on an different level. I trust myself, I trust the knowledge and the wisdom I have received and continue to receive. I'm a paving a path for myself that is unlike any other because it is mine and that's all that matters in this/my world is that I live my life in integrity with who I am. This is in opposition to what most of us are taught knowingly and unknowingly.
Jane and Mary (the lovely ladies I am staying with) are a part of a group they call 'Women Who Launch'. Of course it was synchronistically created by buying and selling of homes and casual conversation between women in transition. So naturally the group was informally created and meets once a week. Jane, in her motherly yet detached 'you should come with me' way got me to tag along. This week was my second week and I'm loving it. I get to listen to the wisdom of women older than me, from different walks of life and in very similar, yet different places in their lives. As well, I get to share my wisdom and gifts with them and provide a different perspective occasionally. Relationships, jobs, life and death, working through our crap and finding our purpose are all central to our conversations and our shares. And it's so very supportive in a loving and ass-kicking way.
This week quite a bit of stuff came up for me about my motivations for working, the long term purpose for making money, where my own stubbornness has held me back from experiencing the life I am in the process of creating. In the end it boiled down to living a life of MY choosing, free of judgement and criticism and unconditional love and acceptance for all that I want to be regardless of what that looks like on the outside and the process it may or may not take to get there. And as I wrote earlier about my inner teenager being my free spirit, I'm choosing to change that because my free spirit doesn't have any concern with what I do so long as I am happy and have the freedom to experience my life the way in which I have envisioned and begun to create it. The inner teenager is actually the part of me that is scared to make choices for herself, scared of what others (in particular those in her family) will think/say of her fully knowing that in her reality, it does not matter because it is her life and that they'll all be supportive anyway. Perhaps that part of me is also scared of falling and the 'I told you so'. Again, it doesn't matter because it is my life. When I fall down, I get back up; I keep going.
In the meantime, in the creation process, I have put my resume out and will continue to attract opportunities for income so that I can continue to grow in all the areas of my life while still pursuing an exploration of myself in this context of the working world. It is quite the adventure!
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