Over the last week or so I've been really looking at where I've come since I began this 'journey' of sorts in February of 2008. The journey began with the end of a three year relationship (a rather abrupt ending by me and one I have recently admitted to myself I've been avoiding completing). I wanted and had an overwhelming need to "find myself". Those words are both full of meaning and meaningless for me at the same time. I discovered many things about myself that others had always seen, I began to own my own power, which I used to percieve as being pushy and bossy, I learned to see the connectedness we all share and the unconditional love that is possible between all human beings, which I used to confuse as attraction and jealousy.
Although it certainly has been a journey in finding myself with many meaningful experiences and relationship, I have realized I've been here all along, I was just looking a different direction and thinking very different things. After learning my Heart Virtues - I am committed to truth and understanding! - this summer I had a pretty big 'a-ha' moment. In all those times I was frustrated and felt lost and angered growing up it was because I was (or others were) violating my Heart Virtue of truth; I was ignoring my truth, what my heart was telling me and in order for me to understand that, I needed to embark on this journey. Now that I have an understanding of 'who I am' I will do everything I can to live according to my truths. Also when something sends that rage into my being or the elation of joy and love I now understand or seek to understand why.
My understanding of truth of myself and in others is that we are all limitless beings, capable of anything we put our mind and heart to. When people are lying or when people know they can have and deserve better, settle for less or play small it used to really frustrate me until I understood that we are all on our own journey and we can only control the path that we take and love others and empower them to do the same for themselves.
So for any of you that I've pounded with questions, made bold or uncensored comments to or challenged your views, it's because I want to better understand who you are and where you are so I can honour your truth. I also hope that my questions pose a challenge and create curiousity within yourself to seek out the truth for you. It's who I am! And I've always been this way, questioning things since I was little. The impossible was always met with "Why not?" and still is. I always had an understanding that anything was possible, regardless of how many people tried to tell me different. I just felt it.
And so here I am today. The same being I was nearly two years ago with a vastly different understanding of the world, my world and me; a grasp of what it means to be me, of what I believe it means to be human and of what rings true for me right now. One thing I am certain of is that in two more years I will sit here and write again and every word will ring true, yet my understanding of everything will be vastly different and deeper based on all the lessons I will have learned between now and then. For those who thought their learning was over when they finished school...time to wake up...there are far more interesting things to discover within.
1 comment:
A-HO Strong Tall Soldier!
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