Boundaries and Abundance

Becoming aware of the abundance in your life is a huge step towards receiving more; so is becoming aware of what you do with that abundance and who you become when it arises. Do you put up walls to push it away? Do you find ways to minimize it and tell yourself you need to get rid of it because it can't ALL be for you? Or do you simply enjoy it and play it in for a while before allowing the flow of life to wash up yet another wave of abundance your way?

I discovered today that I do indeed enjoy it for a very minimal amount of time before I put up walls and set boundaries about what from it I can take, what I am 'allowing' myself to participate in and how it is to look in the end. I've also discovered that I, just like everyone else on the planet, am a lunatic when it comes to matters of the mind. What a tricky little bugger he is, wanting you to believe that you HAVE to do something about it right away and make all the stuff that doesn't fit disappear. Yes, this varies depending on the type of abundance you are recieving. If it's all negative you most certainly want to understand how you are attracting it and remember what it is you truly deserve in this amazing lifetime. And yes, this is context specific.

If I were talking about money here, ideally you'd manage it. In my case (no need to keep beating around the bush) it is the abundance of attention I've been receiving. I had someone tell me I was hot the other day! It's not the first time I've heard it, but it was the first time I allowed it to land and allowed myself to feel, well, hot! Over the last few days that compliment has filtered its way through my being and opened up a whole new way of looking at myself. Not just as hot, but as powerful, confident, attractive in a charismatic and energetic way and a 'damn she's hot' way, strong, loving, fun and joyful.

I wondered why I hadn't embodied these qualities before and it dawned on me that I've been playing by old rules. I've been hiding behind self-imposed and voluntarily applied rules and contexts as well as loads of garbage conditioning about embracing my power and allowing myself to be seen as me fully.

I also had this ephiphany last week at Wizard camp while krewing that it's time to allow for more connection. I've been very happy to keep people at arms length away and I've been very happy to keep myself even a bit further away from them, which ties in so nicely with my false boundaries and how to attract more abundance into my life...in all areas of my life. It's easy to back away and say, "Time to move on" yet when that little tug keeps pulling you back for more connection, for deeper connection, denying it is only going to prolong the struggle. What you resist persists... I suppose on some level, this blog is a way to keep myself disconnected as I could just as easily be having this conversation with a person over coffee, yet I'm not.

Every part of my body is restless at the moment. The quieter I make my mind and my being, the more restless it gets. It's telling me to wrap it up with something quirky and cute. And the truth is, I have no idea how to do it any other way... and that's OK because soon enough I will have another way as yet another wave of abundance will wash upon my being with new information to take in and let go of and deeper connections to be made. So Be It.