Too Much and Not Enough

I recently posted on Facebook about the cycles of life and the polarities we flex between in our every day living. Too much and not enough are two more polarities that we constantly live through. I am overwhelmed by some things and people and very underwhelmed by others. Am I still expecting too much of some and not enough of others?

I came to a realization last night that in my life there are people who care so much that I become overwhelmed by their constant energy of wanting to be a part of my life and know every little detail of its goings on. There are also people in my life who I wish would do a bit more of that and constantly leave me feeling as though it wouldn't matter either way if I was there or not.

I've grown up my entire life wanting more from some and less from others and no matter how I ask for what I want and need, I am simply at a point now, where it is time to let it go. Where it is time to give myself what I am asking for and accept that they can only give what they can, when they can. It's a bummer sometimes, and yet it empowers me to do things differently, to be sensitive to people and what they are asking for verbally or non-verbally and to create what I want and need in my life regardless of outside influence. It is another form of inspiration and empowerment to become an even better person than I was when I woke up this morning.

Turn it around, whatever it is, and see it from the other side. It always looks different.

Sisters

I got this in my email today from my aunt. There was a point I felt like the daughter in this story...I get it now. Ain't nothin' like a sista. That I know for sure!

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter."Don't forget your sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.""Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives, too. You'll need other women. Women always do." "What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. "Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned: THIS SAYS IT ALL : Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.
BUT.........Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you ... Or come in and carry you out.Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life!The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did.

Short and very sweet: There are more than twenty angels in this world: Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds, Nine are playing, And one is reading her e-mail at this moment.

Fulfillment

It is a word that is etched on the back of a pendant I received a few years back. That pendant was 'sacrificed' so to speak, along with strength and illumination in a fire a couple of summers ago. The intention was to give up something in order to create room for more. What I have realized since is that by sacrificing those pendants I created a vaccuum for more of those specific qualities to come into my life. The strength and illumination returned quickly, within weeks, but the fulfillment I knew needed time.

I needed time. Time to find myself as a leader in my own life and in the lives of others. This past weekend provided a beautiful opportunity for just that.

This past weekend I worked my third Millionaire Mind Intensive as part of the Excel Team. I was in a leadership position the entire weekend doing trainings, answering questions, problem solving and taking on responsibility for sales at the event. I never quite understood the fulfillment aspect of leadership until one point this weekend when time stopped and allowed me just to be a part of the moment, to observe what was going on around me and to feel the gratitude and fulfillment for the amazing team of people I was working with.

I had a vision of what a great team would look like, I had a vision of being an empowering leader figure and of bringing people together in support of each other and all at the event. I did not know what that looked like visually, I simply knew how it felt and this past weekend I experienced that. I experienced the start of what my greater vision for all of humankind looks like.

I am ready for more experiences of leadership and fulfillment. I am open to more experiences of fulfillment and I am open to the abundance that all of it brings in all forms both quantifiable and unquantifiable.

And I'm ready to receive a new pendant....lol

Bimini, Beer, Beach...Beauty

Bimini, beautiful, beautiful Bimini. I have done nothing but eat, drink and be merry. Not entirely true, I have been journaling and swimming. But between the Bimini bread and the beer...it's hard to much else other than that. Especially yoga.

Until last week I really had no desire to be here. Even on the plane, I had that excited 'I'm going somewhere feeling' but I still wasn't 100% in the game. Oooo, fascinating insights already. I suppose that at some point I felt like I had this whole 'travel' business down and in comparison

to many I do. What I am finding is that my sense of security isn't quite as secure as I would like it to be (beer helps) and at the same time I feel completely at home...in most areas. I think a part of that is because I am here with my Dad.

Someone I look to for security and when he damn well knows I can do things on my own it pushes me a bit outside the comfort zone. Thankfully I'm used to that because he's been doing it my entire life!

Going back to October when I took Sacred Gifts, the gift of cultural integration is a gift I thought I wanted to have. Actually I wanted to think I had it really badly and this trip is revealing to me that I most certainly do not. I am able to integrate easily with people and I have no problems socializing and learning new things, yet that whole integrating into a culture...I'm really not sure that is something I need to have anymore. I'm happy to be who I am and I'm happy to fit in our out wherever I am. I'm glad I have some more clarity around that little gift. I also realized this gift might not be within me when I started watching one of the guys we're here with just totally meld into a group of Biminites playing pool. I smiled because I knew why it was so easy for him to just do it.

I'm the opposite. I'm the encourager so whe

n I'm in new places I wait for people to come to me, or talk to me and that seems to be pretty easy in this area.

In the process of three paragraphs I've understood that I have a commitment issue with Bimini AND that I am indeed a little apprehensive about being in new places with people I don't know. Although, that really only lasted one day because by the end of the first night at the Thirsty Turtle we now knew most of the people on the north end of the south island. Dimaggio, my new Bimini BFF has got my back and THAT makes me feel good. To be honest, I'm sure most of them would have my back so long as I wasn't the one instigating the trouble....I encourage...never instigate. lol

Another thing I have learned in the last two days being down here is silence is golden, especially when there is little of it being in a condo with three 24yr old guys. I can't blame them though, I was exactly the same way! Being in the moment, listening and having fun above all, letting the guards down...it's a good thing.

As we've finally settled in we're looking forward to getting out on the water. I still have two full weeks here. It may or may not fly by, but if the last two days are any indication it will flow absolutely at the right pace and bring all sorts of treasures real and imagined.

Have an amazing holiday! Merry Christmas from Bimini! xoxoxo

Truth or Beer

I knew I was in for something special when a last minute plan fell into place effortlessly and I was having deja vu sitting there watching the band play. Those to me are two key elements of confirmation that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be :)

Three pints of inhibition last night led me to a very sobering realization of something going on inside of me. I realized the truth of just how deep one of my wounds is. In that moment I was a bit slow to realize the words that had just left my mouth, but upon recollecting the conversations of the night it was plain as day what I said and why I said it.

I have some healing to do. I made a new aquaintance named Jason. Upon our introduction...this is what I said...very matter of factly "Did you say your name is Jason?" ("yes") "Oh, I'm glad it's not Paul." ?!?! Seriously, tell me what you really think Kelly!

Thankfully he was humourous about it and just as quick as my thoughts escpaed my mouth we were on another topic.

That little occurance was eye opening. Writing the name is a stretch for me. It is admitting that he still exists somewhere within me. It's admitting that he held a place in my heart. And it's admitting that I still have some hurt going on, actually, maybe a bit more than a little. It's understanding what David Deida says about having a man-shaped void when we are no longer in relation to that person.

And to be quite honest, I'm OK about it. I can feel the depth of it yet it's a place that needs space to heal. It's a place that needs me to move forward with other adventures with new people and new love. It feels safe for me to leave it be and that is a good thing.

I know, the people in my life are on purpose for me, just as I am for them. It's a pleasant surprise when events transpire and bring people together in the most unexpected ways...

:)