Choas and Discomfort

You would think I would know by now that this feeling is an indication of things to change, of something in my life falling away to make room for clarity and something of even greater brilliance and beauty...but yet I still have not learned. Or perhaps I am still subconsciously resisting this knowing. I feel the feeling, start trying to grasp onto whatever I can in hopes that what I think I want and need stays nice and close to home for fear of what the unknown might bring.

Well the fog is lifting, the chaos is finding its order and the discomfort has shifted from unbearable, anxious knots in my stomach to the dull ache of acceptance. The sobering reality of having an opportunity to make a more definitive choice about the path I would like to take my life down. I have not fully let go of the tornado that is lessening and disappearing on the horizon because there is something in that tornado that belongs to me. Perhaps it will get dropped somewhere else on my path, or perhaps it was never really mine to begin with...

With more clarity comes more transparency...as if the veil has been lifted and everything that was there initially, but not seen is now all of the sudden laid out on display for reflection and contemplation maybe, but more than likely for a serious opportunity to either clean house and take out the trash, or simply to tidy up and put things back, maybe not where they were or where they belong, but where they fit for the moment. I see the things I want and have and am not grateful for, I see the empty spaces that feel like voids at times, but are not ready to be accompanied by anything, and then there's the pile of things that just don't fit, and the pile of things that just don't fit right now and aren't necessarily going to get tossed...

Looking forward to clearing out the metaphorical cupboards of my soul and really figuring out what I'm willing keep and what I'm ready to pass on.