Perhaps it's for school, or a work project or something that you are so immersed in that you just can't seem to pull yourself away. Perhaps it's a way of life you have adopted that you just can't seem to pull back from.
I am talking about the amazing kind of thinking that happens when the wheels start to turn in sync in your brain and ideas flow, actions are effortless and time becomes lost... Anyone ever have one of those moments?
I happen to absolutely be in love with what I do and create for people in my work. I will do as much as I possibly can for our clients when I have the ability to find a solution to their situation. And I do a damn good job. I get extremely frustrated when the information I find for them or the solutions I create do not address 100% what I want to be able to communicate with them and that is when the thinking makes me tired. Trying to go the extra mile on top of the extra mile to be the winner of the "I did that for them" award instead of loving that I get to often times, just be a catalyst that gets people started, that creates a forward momentum.
But I know this kind of tired is the best kind of tired. It's the tired that puts a smile on my face before I fall asleep at night, it's the tired that fills my heart with pride and gratitude that I was able to make a difference in someone's day...sometimes life!
Someone once told me, "All I know to do is give 100% of whatever is possible for me to give, say, do and when my head hits the pillow I go to sleep at peace at night. If there ever is a night where I can honestly say I didn't do that, then it's time to re-evaluate." (I might not have been word for word that, but it was damn close.)
I take pride in knowing that I do give 100% of what I can, if not more sometimes and I also take pride in knowing that when I acknowledge my less than 100% that I can always go back and revisit it. Sometimes the wheels stop turning and the ideas stop flowing for a reason. Sometimes we need to give 100% to ourselves instead of everyone else. Do what makes you feel good about yourself and if what you're doing doesn't make you feel good about yourself, stop doing it for a while, take a breather, create some space for the situation and look at it with fresh, awake eyes and perspective. Give your 100% and let the rest do it's job.
Don't worry, just breathe. If it's meant to be it will find it's way.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Puzzle Pieces
Have you ever done a puzzle, picked up a puzzle piece and toyed around trying to figure out where it goes for what seems like forever only to set it down until later when its place suddenly reveals itself?
Considering I love doing puzzles, this happens all the time. Not just in physical puzzles, but in the puzzle pieces that come together in my life. Sometimes it's people, other times it is things, websites, names, information...
Most recently it has been knowledge learned from the last four years. When I completed my teaching degree I came home and decided to take the opposite path of most of the people I had gone to school with...although I tried to get a teaching position, I was also trying to make a go of something different that involved helping kids without being in a school. I had ideas galore...puzzle pieces in abundance, but no framework in which to put them. I didn't know this then, but looking back I can see clearly I was just trying to fit it into something so I could build a bigger picture!
Once I finally surrendered to the brick wall I kept hitting, I just allowed myself to take in as much information as I could knowing that it would serve me at some point when I needed it. The other thing I did was I kept mental note of the things that resonated most with me, the areas in which I put a lot of attention and the things that seemed simple enough to execute quickly and inexpensively. For 3 of those 4 years I struggled to figure out my place in the world, who I was, what I stood for and how I could be of service, but I failed to acknowledge that those puzzle pieces already existed in my life, but I had chosen not to look at them. I gradually started reintegrating some of those elements of myself, those puzzle pieces and quickly the puzzle began to grow and become clearer, as did my own confidence, clarity and personal power. These were the internal puzzle pieces. The external puzzle pieces were the topics like internet marketing, training, writing that created a framework for my inner puzzle to attach to when the right pieces were in place.
Lately I have been looking back to those framework pieces that I knew I would need at some point and I am realizing just how many resources I have to make my dreams a reality. And I am also realizing that I can take exactly what I feel would work for me, implement it and adjust as I go because I know that some things are going to work swimmingly while others may not...then again, being this patient and conscious of the information I have taken in, maybe it will all work out swimmingly for me :)
Either way I can see that I have rediscovered some puzzle pieces that now have a place in my life and I am super excited about figuring out exactly where they fit and how they might contribute to the bigger picture!
Considering I love doing puzzles, this happens all the time. Not just in physical puzzles, but in the puzzle pieces that come together in my life. Sometimes it's people, other times it is things, websites, names, information...
Most recently it has been knowledge learned from the last four years. When I completed my teaching degree I came home and decided to take the opposite path of most of the people I had gone to school with...although I tried to get a teaching position, I was also trying to make a go of something different that involved helping kids without being in a school. I had ideas galore...puzzle pieces in abundance, but no framework in which to put them. I didn't know this then, but looking back I can see clearly I was just trying to fit it into something so I could build a bigger picture!
Once I finally surrendered to the brick wall I kept hitting, I just allowed myself to take in as much information as I could knowing that it would serve me at some point when I needed it. The other thing I did was I kept mental note of the things that resonated most with me, the areas in which I put a lot of attention and the things that seemed simple enough to execute quickly and inexpensively. For 3 of those 4 years I struggled to figure out my place in the world, who I was, what I stood for and how I could be of service, but I failed to acknowledge that those puzzle pieces already existed in my life, but I had chosen not to look at them. I gradually started reintegrating some of those elements of myself, those puzzle pieces and quickly the puzzle began to grow and become clearer, as did my own confidence, clarity and personal power. These were the internal puzzle pieces. The external puzzle pieces were the topics like internet marketing, training, writing that created a framework for my inner puzzle to attach to when the right pieces were in place.
Lately I have been looking back to those framework pieces that I knew I would need at some point and I am realizing just how many resources I have to make my dreams a reality. And I am also realizing that I can take exactly what I feel would work for me, implement it and adjust as I go because I know that some things are going to work swimmingly while others may not...then again, being this patient and conscious of the information I have taken in, maybe it will all work out swimmingly for me :)
Either way I can see that I have rediscovered some puzzle pieces that now have a place in my life and I am super excited about figuring out exactly where they fit and how they might contribute to the bigger picture!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
So Much Sunshine...
I had this happen to me yesterday while I was searching for a misplaced CD. I came across this :)
And of course it made me smile! I got to thinking about when I actually made this. This particular quote was the only quote out of 12 that really caught my attention. It was bright, it was fun, it was sunny! And in the middle of my 'mod podge' phase (Thank you Brave Girls Club Soul Restoration) which was actually one of the most therapeutic and creative things I have ever done, I created this! I hung it proudly in my home at the time thinking that it was something bright to spruce up the place. Looking back now I was trying to create sunshine where it wasn't always shining.
Today I was talking with a friend and I said to him, "I looked at this piece that I made and wished that someone had bought it and given it to me instead of me making it for myself!" And I still really do wish that someone (perhaps the person I was with at the time) was thoughtful enough to see this and say, "This screams Kelly!" and buy it for me. But how does one buy something that doesn't exist until after it's created...lol
It's interesting for me to think that I wanted someone else to tell me this; that I wanted someone else to see that this was me (because I certainly think it is!) and tell me that, and low and behold a year later I hear this more often than not... :) I am not trying to be boastful here, but what I am getting at is that we receive what we give and what we put out there.
We attract who we are. I was putting this out there last year and a year later it's come to fruition BUT first I had to see it inside of me, I had to acknowledge an aspect of what makes me great and then I had to allow others to see it too. This summer I took a stroll through the fire and that heat made me realize two things.
1. I was afraid to be fully seen as me and
2. I wasn't willing to see myself fully or I had no idea how
So I decided that it was OK to move towards being fully seen and seeing myself fully and it has been the biggest blessing I ever could have asked for.
So, yes, I still want someone (well let me be clear - someone I am in a relationship with) to be so thoughtful that if they saw this they would buy it and give it to me as a gift, but I now understand that in order for others to be able to give me that gift, sometimes they can't see it until I do and then again sometimes it's the reverse and I can't see it until they do :) Either way I am grateful I found this little piece of love that has brought me so many thoughts today.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Choas and Discomfort
You would think I would know by now that this feeling is an indication of things to change, of something in my life falling away to make room for clarity and something of even greater brilliance and beauty...but yet I still have not learned. Or perhaps I am still subconsciously resisting this knowing. I feel the feeling, start trying to grasp onto whatever I can in hopes that what I think I want and need stays nice and close to home for fear of what the unknown might bring.
Well the fog is lifting, the chaos is finding its order and the discomfort has shifted from unbearable, anxious knots in my stomach to the dull ache of acceptance. The sobering reality of having an opportunity to make a more definitive choice about the path I would like to take my life down. I have not fully let go of the tornado that is lessening and disappearing on the horizon because there is something in that tornado that belongs to me. Perhaps it will get dropped somewhere else on my path, or perhaps it was never really mine to begin with...
With more clarity comes more transparency...as if the veil has been lifted and everything that was there initially, but not seen is now all of the sudden laid out on display for reflection and contemplation maybe, but more than likely for a serious opportunity to either clean house and take out the trash, or simply to tidy up and put things back, maybe not where they were or where they belong, but where they fit for the moment. I see the things I want and have and am not grateful for, I see the empty spaces that feel like voids at times, but are not ready to be accompanied by anything, and then there's the pile of things that just don't fit, and the pile of things that just don't fit right now and aren't necessarily going to get tossed...
Looking forward to clearing out the metaphorical cupboards of my soul and really figuring out what I'm willing keep and what I'm ready to pass on.
Well the fog is lifting, the chaos is finding its order and the discomfort has shifted from unbearable, anxious knots in my stomach to the dull ache of acceptance. The sobering reality of having an opportunity to make a more definitive choice about the path I would like to take my life down. I have not fully let go of the tornado that is lessening and disappearing on the horizon because there is something in that tornado that belongs to me. Perhaps it will get dropped somewhere else on my path, or perhaps it was never really mine to begin with...
With more clarity comes more transparency...as if the veil has been lifted and everything that was there initially, but not seen is now all of the sudden laid out on display for reflection and contemplation maybe, but more than likely for a serious opportunity to either clean house and take out the trash, or simply to tidy up and put things back, maybe not where they were or where they belong, but where they fit for the moment. I see the things I want and have and am not grateful for, I see the empty spaces that feel like voids at times, but are not ready to be accompanied by anything, and then there's the pile of things that just don't fit, and the pile of things that just don't fit right now and aren't necessarily going to get tossed...
Looking forward to clearing out the metaphorical cupboards of my soul and really figuring out what I'm willing keep and what I'm ready to pass on.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Meeting Miles Apart
In that space right before I fall asleep, OF COURSE, I would have inspiration to write...
My meandering thoughts tonight were about my most recent long term relationship and it's eventual completion. The cliche statement of "we're headed in different directions" and "we're in two very different places in our lives" are really not that cliche and because they are so common, they've just become something of a not so happy addition to romance movies before 'the one' comes walking into them from around a blind corner.
Back to cliche statments...
My reality on this subject is that in my last two long term relationships, those have been the breaking points and the areas of contention. Both of them wanted to take the same exit except the context of each was very different.
The first, let's call him A, if we were two cars driving on the highway, we were right next to each other, side view to side view, cruising along the highway. There were plenty of times when we separated to get a couple lanes over, maybe even into the collectors lane, I even thought about finding another car to drive side by side with. Eventually we both got off at AN exit and the choice was then between getting back on the highway or getting off and stopping for a while. At that time, the highway represented travelling and teaching abroad and following my heart wherever it wanted to take me. And stopping meant getting in on a board to teach, and then taking a year off at some point to teach abroad, in the mean time settling down, house, etc. I chose the highway and more or less told him he couldn't come with me. Stopping had never even crossed my mind prior to that, staying together, getting married, yes, but stopping, no.
So on my merry little highway, which stayed in North America as opposed to my overseas intentions, brought me onto a highway where I met B. I am certain that B should have been a very brief encounter, but I liked the road B was on so I took it. I took it right to where he lived and although it would seem as if we were driving side by side on the highway we really weren't. In my opinion, he was here and there, ahead of me all the time and there were times when we were side by side, but I always felt as though he was miles ahead of me willing me to catch up yet not slowing down to close the gap. It's kind of like we both set out for the same destination but a couple hours apart, we're both going the same speed so we'll never meet up until we reach our destination only his destination wasn't clear...it wasn't as clear as the 'stopping' had been. It was hazy, and ambiguous and a very generic version of what stopping might look like, so unclear. I felt a bit like a cat chasing a mouse that's never meant to be caught.
How often do we play that game thinking that in the end we'll get what we want from that person only to realize that we would have it if they had it...
Either way, this inspiration to write has given me new perspective on understanding the reasons for things ending. I am happy that A finally stopped and is living the life he wants and that B is driving on his highway somewhere. What strikes me about B is that he is stopped in real life, but when I think about B, being stopped is the last thing that comes to mind. Now is that my illusion or B's?
My meandering thoughts tonight were about my most recent long term relationship and it's eventual completion. The cliche statement of "we're headed in different directions" and "we're in two very different places in our lives" are really not that cliche and because they are so common, they've just become something of a not so happy addition to romance movies before 'the one' comes walking into them from around a blind corner.
Back to cliche statments...
My reality on this subject is that in my last two long term relationships, those have been the breaking points and the areas of contention. Both of them wanted to take the same exit except the context of each was very different.
The first, let's call him A, if we were two cars driving on the highway, we were right next to each other, side view to side view, cruising along the highway. There were plenty of times when we separated to get a couple lanes over, maybe even into the collectors lane, I even thought about finding another car to drive side by side with. Eventually we both got off at AN exit and the choice was then between getting back on the highway or getting off and stopping for a while. At that time, the highway represented travelling and teaching abroad and following my heart wherever it wanted to take me. And stopping meant getting in on a board to teach, and then taking a year off at some point to teach abroad, in the mean time settling down, house, etc. I chose the highway and more or less told him he couldn't come with me. Stopping had never even crossed my mind prior to that, staying together, getting married, yes, but stopping, no.
So on my merry little highway, which stayed in North America as opposed to my overseas intentions, brought me onto a highway where I met B. I am certain that B should have been a very brief encounter, but I liked the road B was on so I took it. I took it right to where he lived and although it would seem as if we were driving side by side on the highway we really weren't. In my opinion, he was here and there, ahead of me all the time and there were times when we were side by side, but I always felt as though he was miles ahead of me willing me to catch up yet not slowing down to close the gap. It's kind of like we both set out for the same destination but a couple hours apart, we're both going the same speed so we'll never meet up until we reach our destination only his destination wasn't clear...it wasn't as clear as the 'stopping' had been. It was hazy, and ambiguous and a very generic version of what stopping might look like, so unclear. I felt a bit like a cat chasing a mouse that's never meant to be caught.
How often do we play that game thinking that in the end we'll get what we want from that person only to realize that we would have it if they had it...
Either way, this inspiration to write has given me new perspective on understanding the reasons for things ending. I am happy that A finally stopped and is living the life he wants and that B is driving on his highway somewhere. What strikes me about B is that he is stopped in real life, but when I think about B, being stopped is the last thing that comes to mind. Now is that my illusion or B's?
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