Waves of Transformation

"I looked at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. ... Even in the eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."

~ Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

This paragraph in the first 74 pages of the book hit me smack in the face. I can't even recollect reading this the last time I read this book last summer and yet this time, something new, something different, reading with new eyes and understanding with new experiences to draw from, it's an important message I am carrying with me.

Humans, like monuments, are each individual in nature, susceptible to changes with the times but always a vessel for some purpose that we may or may not be aware of. And because we are dynamic, changing and always a vessel for a higher good, to stay attached to those ideas or representations of who we think we might be may or may not be keeping us from serving some new and amazing purpose. Although, in the bigger picture of things, we do bring along the ideas and representations that stand the test of time because some of them are innately a part of us and seeming industructable, sometimes letting it all fly away with the wind and doing something different can often show us different aspects of ourselves we might have never seen.

Our hearts will always stand the test of time no matter how chaotic our lives may seem because somewhere in our being there's a strength like no other force we come across. And when we realize we have that strength we find our faith and the courage to trust ourselves and this journey we are on and that regardless of the seeming chaos around us, everything is unfolding exactly as it should for everyone and everything. And among what we might perceive as complete imperfection...really, it's all perfect.

So to the Augusteum, whose original intent was to be a masoleum, that now stands empty waiting for whatever is next, thank you for your incarnation at that moment of being an inspiration for one writer to see the strength and spirit in what seems to be a broken and ruined piece of work. In our connectedness beneath what may seem to be a broken or ruined exterior of a fellow sister or brother there is also that strength and it's our job to do what we can or what we are guided to do to see through that rough exterior and recognize that strength in each other and if need be embody it, transcend it and encourage those who choose to ignore it, to acknowledge it too.

When I Was Younger

When I was younger I was damn cute; chubby as a laughing Buddha, but I was a cute baby! Thanks to my sister posting an entire album of us growing up I had the opportunity to look back at what I was like as a kid.

Sweet as can be, mischevious as hell, a little diva with an attitude, always up for an adventure and most of all fun. In reality, not much has changed. I changed my FB profile pic to this one...

...and when ever I look at it I giggle. For one, I love looking at pictures of myself, but more than that I can see how excited I am to get to wherever I'm going! I'm climbing a fence for crying out loud, running from the crowd to something that caught my attention...again, not much has changed!

Then I look at what I'm doing right now, how great my life is and I look back at that picture and ask, "Did you ever have any idea, little girl, of the friggin' adventures you'd go on in this lifetime?!" And something tells me that I did.

And on those days when I feel like I don't want to do much because I'm not in a good mood, I look at that face and it all just sorta melts away and I remember how great it is to live life with curiousity, adventure and fun.

Life is a series of cycles, sometimes you need to ride out the tide and other times you need to play in the waves.

Being Canadian...What it Means To Me

Shane Koyczan's speech in the opening ceremonies really spoke to my heart. Defining what it means to 'be Canadian' is a tough thing to do, but as I've taken to the streets of downtown Vancouver, it's clear to me that "...we are an idea in the process of being realized..." It's a collection of individual ideas that is continually evolving and uniting us moment by moment.

For me that idea is one of unity, of community and of having the world at your doorstep.

It's about coming together, no matter the weather and living for what you believe.

It's about respect and understanding and foreign people landing in a place where it's safe to wave their flags.

It's individuality in co-operation en masse.

It's accepting and striving for more than a half full glass.

It's knowing we are one when it's down to the gun,

And believing in something greater upon every rising sun.

It's humble and quiet when the world is a riot and it knows when to act or relax.

It's pride in what's right, a justified fight,

A peacekeepers vision in the end.

We are the example, the change we wish to see

And whether we realize it or not, that spotlight is on

Because something different is bred between our three seas.

Dispersed abroad

We smile and nod

Knowing we might create a smile

Please and thank you, your welcome too

Canadians will go the extra mile.

"With glowing hearts,

We see the rise,

The true north strong and free

From far and wide, O'Canada

We stand on guard for thee."

Hmm, that was interesting...

I've recently ventured out to the 'left coast' for the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games and I'm absolutely stoked about being in the atmosphere of the Games over the next 17 days. My trip didn't start with bells and whistles though. After a day in White Rock and venturing around following the torch and taking in some beautiful sunshine and sea air, I went to bed with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Needless to say I spent a good portion of the night watching the contents of my stomach re-emerge from my body. (Definitely not better the second time around!) It got me thinking about the last time I was actually sick that didn't involve some sort of alcohol induced queasiness...and my last recollection was probably when I was in late elementary school or maybe even high school; so that puts it at over 10 years ago.

Pretty healthy ten years if you ask me. I just wish I understood the cause of this sudden change in my tolerance for food and smells and eating. As of today, I'm eating, not much, but I'm eating and I'm noticing a lot of emotions are surfacing as a result of decreased food and being sick. Today I've had to deal with a lot of frustration; all a part of adjusting to the new environment I'm sure. However, I can't shake the feeling that the Universe is trying to send me a message. Amidst all the Olympic buzz I know that it would be very beneficial for me to find some quiet time and space and listen. The Universe has my attention now and based on the emotions that are surfacing as I write this, now might be an opportune time to do that.

Just breathe....

Ya know, normally I would spare on posts like this, work through it on my own and then write about how I overcame it...today, I decided to take a different route. I decided to write about that other part of the process. And here's why. I agree with optimism and I'm all for sending out a positive message to the world. I'm also all about being honest about what's going on in my life and I expect the same from others. I've had it with lies, facades, manipulations and sugar coated truths; if you can't be yourself and own that 100% of the time then what kind of message are you sending the world? "Be the change you wish to see in the world..."- Gandhi. I clearly wish to see more truth and authenticity. I guess that's also a message for me and I recognize that my fears around this are that people will be hurt by me being honest, which also causes me to realize that hurting people is not within my power...that's their choice to allow my words to hurt them. At the same time, I know that I can be...actually, you know what, I just need to trust myself!

I trust myself...and that tells me more than I need to know!

And once again, I'm writing about how I overcame it....

Teenagers in the (fill in the blank) Era: Is there really a difference?

I was inspired to write this post by a tweet from the guys at 'The Buried Life'. The Buried Life is now an MTV show on Mondays at 10 est which shares the adventures of these four guys who are checking off their 'list' of things to do before they die. While doing this they are helping to make a difference in others lives as well. It's definitely a 'must check out' website if you're in any way into helping connect people and make the world a nicer place or into watching people do what you thought might be nearly impossible (like getting into the Playboy Mansion in a cake dressed as Oompa Loompas???). Always inspiring!

Anyhow....this was their tweet:

@theburiedlife http://ow.ly/12cDi "I seriously doubt that facebook has eliminated the angst and alienation of adolescence.." nytime debate. thoughts?

After reading the article and the comments posted by the acclaimed authors I felt a bit like an angsty teen again. I'm not sure if I was channeling the character of 'Catcher in the Rye' or if I was tapping into more deep seeded frustrations with adults and society as I see it. Even though I'm 27, I still have those feelings of alienation and frustration, which brings me to the question of, "Is it teen angst or is it an undertone felt towards the supposed 'adults' of our society who continue to impose their expectations and ideas onto younger generations in hopes of 'fixing' them?"

Take The Buried Life for example or even Lost On Purpose with Katie and I. I'm sure the guys faced a few skeptics, a lot of 'you can't do that', and 'what are you going to do with your life when this little escapade ends?'. At the start of Lost On Purpose, people thought it was going to be just this little trip/vacation and then we would come home and pick up where we left off, when in reality Lost On Purpose became our life, travel became our life and even though we're taking a little hiatus, my intentions are to continue on this travelling journey and I know Katie's are too. I think the only difference between the angst I have now and the angst I had as a teen is that I can do something about it now. My future is my creation, rather than that of a mass trend or obligation to meet the expectations of past generations.

So to come back to the comment about teen angst in today's world, the world of social media and digital communication, I think teens are just as angsty and alienated as they always have been. The difference is that they express it in a virtual world. Although there are people you are connected with online, sometimes cries for help seem lost in space, floating amongst the collective consciousness with no one really ever paying attention. What the teens are screaming is "Can anyone hear me, damnit!?!?!?!?!"

I feel many people find it difficult to listen to anyone who is hurting and difficult to help them and guide them when many still hold on to resentment for people who weren't there for them as a teen. I think phrases like; it would get better, to worry about it later, to let it all out (but in an appropriate time and place), to go for a walk and 'burn off some steam', to stop complaining and do as they was told, were fairly common responses. I still get this at my age! And then years later a censored version of the truth comes out when our parents thing we can 'handle it' we find out what they did when they were teenagers...crying in their room, drinking with friends, doing drugs, riding in cars with boys. Honestly, how can we expect teens to deal with their emotions and frustrations if we were never willing to do the same for ourselves?

I feel like I'm writing like a teen, when in reality I'm sorta stuck in between. I'm going to make a generalization here...so bear with me. I see a world where adults are just as, if not more lost than teenagers are. Their priorities are wrapped up in money, power and competing for the next best thing, in material objects, fame and fortune and creating security that doesn't exist. I also see an adult world that is angry they didn't get to do what they wanted when they were younger and are behaving like angry, rebellious and impulsive teens.

I see a world where teenagers (and children) are left to themselves, to the virtual world of the Internet and television, to figure out how to survive in a world of adults that mistrusts and misjudges youth and each other. I also see teens trying to define themselves within the expectations and obligations the adults in their lives are imposing on them rather than defining themselves around their own values and desires. Quite truthfully, I see a world in which a lot of teenagers and children are parenting their parents.

On the flip side I see a world of hope where adults are reaching out to teens because they see their potential and their determination. I see teens who don't give a shit what anyone thinks they should or shouldn't do and are rocking the world and making a positive impact on the people they come in contact with. I see teens who are following their dreams and getting recognised for their passion and their willingness to stop at nothing to get there and adults willing to mentor them in loving and positive ways that empower them to be better people and encourage them to create the life they desire.

I will say that being connected through the Internet helps with angst as it allows teens to communicate, it allows them to research alternative strategies for living life and to see what the world has to offer, but the one thing it doesn't afford them is the opportunity to express it with the people they feel the most connected to; their family, their parents, the people they look to for guidance and direction.

I think that regardless of the era that teens live in, angst and alienation are present...it's an emotional state of being rather than a physical, tangible thing and if anyone thinks that a physical, tangible thing like a computer or cellphone hooked into social media can change the emotional atmosphere of adolescence for the long term, they may want to reconsider and look at how they're dealing with their own angst and alienation...

Let's talk about our feelings now....shall we? :D lol